he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
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I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
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Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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