he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
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it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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