I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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