On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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