Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
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