He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
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Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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