recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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