I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Is it penis luge time yet?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize