jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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