At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize