Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize