i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize