he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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