don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
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PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
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passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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