I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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