her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
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He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
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i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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