my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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