just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize