im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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