i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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