dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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