just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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