I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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