I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
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My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
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the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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