that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
whose parrot is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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