Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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