I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
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my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
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He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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