If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize