Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
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We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
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I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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