So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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