I just saw a hot homeless man
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
two words: eviction party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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