Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
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the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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