I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize