I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
im holly from the hills drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize