imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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