My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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