Your mouth is God's brothel.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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