He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
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Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
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smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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