Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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