Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize