We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
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All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
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First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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