so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
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You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
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Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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