Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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