Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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