last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize