Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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