do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He has the fingertips of a God
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize