Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
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Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
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Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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