Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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