We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
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I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize