'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize