I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize